i have trust issues.

no seriously i have trust issues.


im afraid to let someone care about me, so i, in turn, make dumb choices.




SMGDH.

so tight.

yooooo im so EFFIN tight at myself.

im just

stupid

stupid

stupid

stupid

stupid

::iceQUADventiTEAR::

pushing&sleeping

anyone find it ironic that I keep falling asleep on the person im possibly "sleeping on?"


its like i've unlocked the door, but I still havent really let him in.

Like when he gets too close ,
i push him

AWAY.

idek what to say anymore.
idek whats wrong with me, why i cant just STOP pushing.

its so much apart of me that i dont even know that im doing it.

aint THAT ISH a beee?

Dean Scozzaro.

sooo dean scozzaro.



this woman is going to get it.
something TERRIBLE.


She within 15 minutes has ruined this week and next week, my LAST week of school.

soo no prom date quality time on friday.
probably noo classmate quality time on the last day of school.

What Scozzaro said:

"Bianca is very gifted, but her grades have slipped."

Bam Bam's translation:

"Bianca's failing!!! SOUND THE FRIGGEN ALAAARM!!!!!!!!!"

::HUUUGESiiiiGH::

Hopefully, I can work something out.

At least for the last week of school.

smh.

bumology. (Part Deux.)

today in bumology we learned::

HOW TO TEXT YOUR CRUSH DURING SCHOOL

W/O GETTING CAUGHT.

only 3 rules.

1. discretion --> there is a reason this is number one. Cheesing makes you look sus. BE CAREFUL.
2. only completely take out your phone when in the bathroom or around an insanely cool teacher like siemers. all other instances should be completely discret (refer to rule #1)
3. make sure ya phone is fully charged. dying phones are not cool.

thats all for today folks.

class dismissed.

my moral imperative SUCKS.

soo i was real unsure of how to approach this. if i should approach this at all. so if you dont get it thats cool. if you doo thats cool too.

i hate living afraid to express my feelings --> like im hiding them. thats a problem for me.

one thing i hate MORE than that? --> being afraid to ACT on them.


like ever have ya feelings confuse you? its like when you feel a certain way you've never really felt before and you dont really know how to respond.

. . . or know when to act on it?

. . . or know IF to act on it?

you just never know.

so what do you do?
just follow ya gut?
yeaaa, dont ask questions & ya follow ya gut.


or what about ya MORAL IMPERATIVE?

A moral imperative is a principle originating inside a person's mind that
compels that person to act.

what happens when you feel ya moral imperative is telling you to do something different??

mine has generally kept me safe thus far. so why should i not trust it this time?

. . . i think its b/c im learning to trust my heart more.

like its saying:

"imperative?!? what IMPERATIVE? . . . im telling you to not be afraid and just trust ME, ya HEART, for once in ya life. even if you never do it again"



. . . it feels right to me for some reason unknown to me.

yet, i still feel myself pulling away. why?

b/c i know i may not be the only person feeling this way about HIM.

and out of my respect for said person, comes my fear.


fear of what? idk.
being played?

or is it just fear that this may be the first RIGHT in the series of wrongs at the expense of another.


grr. i hate the way i think