rambles. | .selbmar

so i know how the saying goes ...

shxt happens right??
thats life.

well why does the shxt always seem to occur in MY life??

i mean i’ve been through some shXt in my life&&i’ve managed to overcome.
brush it off.

put a smile on my face the next day.

lately i haven’t been able to do it anymore.
everyday i feel like i get more&&more down.
feeling low about life.

not on some suicidal stuff!!
just kinda lost my motivation to really DO for myself.

i never really have time for myself.
i feel like im always worrying about other things, doing for other people.

i get people coming in my honesty box everyday telling me about how im fxckin this person, suckin this one’s dxck, bein a groupie to someone else.
&&i know it’s just haters.
&&i shouldn’t let that shxt get me down ...

but i just don’t understand why someone could dislike me so much, want to see me hurt like that.

i hate for people to think these bad things about me, especially when i try to be nice and giving to every person i meet. i dont expect everyone to like me, but i do expect some level of respect ... lately i can’t seem to find that.

another thing, i see all my friends go off&&find all these cute little boy toys.
i know i’m not the prettiest girl in the bunch.
im certainly not ugly either.
i figure im cute, i guess. just right.

but i still can’t seem to find someone who just likes me for ME.

i mean, i know ...
i have nice “boobs” nice “ass”
&&i really try not to expect anything from anyone.
but what is it that these other girls have that i don’t?!?!?

what makes her more deserving of that joy than me?!?
idk, i guess im just waiting for my turn.
maybe its the self-esteem issue i have way down deep inside.
i fear that i’m never going to be good enough.
not pretty enough.
or smart enough.
thin enough.
funny enough.
or w/e it is niggas look for now.

idk why i have all these insecurities!!!
it drives me nuts.

i’m young they say ... i have time.
hey, THATS LIFE they say.

honestly, i cry on the inside.
yes the inside, b/c i have no more to shed on the outside.

i’m beginning to not care anymore.
&&all with my “not caring” attitude.
still comes the hurt b/c deep down i really do care.

idk maybe im just rambling.

idk why im feeling so down i guess i’ll just let it go.

progression. (or lack there of)

soooo right now im jsut taking the time to update everyone.

no progress on the crush.
he just wants to be friends.
whoo hoo.
ah welp.
even though, he still calls me to spend time with him. ::rollseyes::

i hate boys. lol.


then there's my honesty box&&peoples need to tell me about my life everyday.
apparently i'm letting the ques run train on me.
::shurg::

oh yea, i do everything they say.
OH&&suckin they dick.

i mean my brothers tell me its just people hatin, wanting to be in my position ... that we have they’re respect and those people don’t buuut ah welp.

sooo in the words of a very wise person

“keep my damn name out ya mouth and stop assuming that my mouth was on the same dick yours was on last year, or if my box is being eatin by the same nigga you kissed last month, ooor if my back is being broke by the nigga that broke yours last week.

stop trying to put ya reputation on me is all i’m saying.”


... hmm i wonder who said that ...

oh wait ...

that was me.

=]

bee*