rambles. | .selbmar

so i know how the saying goes ...

shxt happens right??
thats life.

well why does the shxt always seem to occur in MY life??

i mean i’ve been through some shXt in my life&&i’ve managed to overcome.
brush it off.

put a smile on my face the next day.

lately i haven’t been able to do it anymore.
everyday i feel like i get more&&more down.
feeling low about life.

not on some suicidal stuff!!
just kinda lost my motivation to really DO for myself.

i never really have time for myself.
i feel like im always worrying about other things, doing for other people.

i get people coming in my honesty box everyday telling me about how im fxckin this person, suckin this one’s dxck, bein a groupie to someone else.
&&i know it’s just haters.
&&i shouldn’t let that shxt get me down ...

but i just don’t understand why someone could dislike me so much, want to see me hurt like that.

i hate for people to think these bad things about me, especially when i try to be nice and giving to every person i meet. i dont expect everyone to like me, but i do expect some level of respect ... lately i can’t seem to find that.

another thing, i see all my friends go off&&find all these cute little boy toys.
i know i’m not the prettiest girl in the bunch.
im certainly not ugly either.
i figure im cute, i guess. just right.

but i still can’t seem to find someone who just likes me for ME.

i mean, i know ...
i have nice “boobs” nice “ass”
&&i really try not to expect anything from anyone.
but what is it that these other girls have that i don’t?!?!?

what makes her more deserving of that joy than me?!?
idk, i guess im just waiting for my turn.
maybe its the self-esteem issue i have way down deep inside.
i fear that i’m never going to be good enough.
not pretty enough.
or smart enough.
thin enough.
funny enough.
or w/e it is niggas look for now.

idk why i have all these insecurities!!!
it drives me nuts.

i’m young they say ... i have time.
hey, THATS LIFE they say.

honestly, i cry on the inside.
yes the inside, b/c i have no more to shed on the outside.

i’m beginning to not care anymore.
&&all with my “not caring” attitude.
still comes the hurt b/c deep down i really do care.

idk maybe im just rambling.

idk why im feeling so down i guess i’ll just let it go.